I Don't Do Scary


I’m one of those 90s babies that thoroughly loved Goosebumps and Are You Afraid of the Dark. In the same sentence, I can also proclaim that you cannot pay me any form of money to sit in a movie theater and indulge in anyone’s horror movie. 

I don’t do scary unless it’s Nickelodeon appropriate.  

Whatever your phobia is, mine is heights excluding roller coasters, I didn’t realize how much fear is coupled with starting anew; it is so tangibly real. 

Fear could keep me in my bed for an extra hour. An extra hour I could use to perhaps write or brainstorm, maybe plan an event but then I’d never move from my bed. A dark cloud would shroud me in its darkness and bam my brain is in overdrive talking sweet negative nothings. 

Am I dramatic? Of course, but the reality for me was this: I was scared to start over, fail, and prove the doubt ringing off in my head to be right. 

So why restart and find disappointment when you could just sleep?

I began treating the things that I love like a multi step math problem. Pure avoidance behavior. You know you’re digging a hole of fearful proportions when you do your best to think and do anything aside from the task. As much as you and I might avoid, however, that passionate fire to actually do never dies out. It grows brighter despite the avoiding, negative self-talk and fear. 

I was a complete failure to launch mess. Now, I’m still very much so a mess but I am much more aware of it. You can allow your own fear and insecurities grip you, only to find that you’re not anymore happier.

Do not disappoint yourself with the negative Nancy going bump in the night, or daytime for that matter. I won’t tell you to pack up that fear and use it to build your confidence – because that sounds great but let’s be real, not exactly the most feasible. I will tell you to let your mind, body, and soul be fed with positivity. Surround it with some self-love and take a mental break if you need to. You cannot force the fear away but you can befriend it, mold it, and use it to push forward. 

Let’s push forward. 

Much love,

Alley Olivier