Love After Heartbreak: Naivety

 
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Good ol’ Valentine’s Day is on the horizon. In this viral information sharing world we live in, this holiday is now a discussion piece. Everyone has an opinion on Valentine’s Day.  I usually joke about how #Blacktwitter loves to get into the debate about $200.00 dates at this time of the year. Everyone needs to just do what they feel quite honestly.

I usually take a very optimistic approach to the Valentine’s Day holiday.

In past years I’ve actually written series where I talked about some of my favorite Valentine’s Day dates called The Valentine’s Day Chronicles, check it out here. I don’t think anyone should be sour on Valentine’s Day. To me it’s a day where you show love; period. So I have enjoyed the holiday whether I was dating someone or not. I just enjoy spreading positivity. I think we all should do that.

I’ve realized that negative experiences while dating may have attributed to many people’s feelings about Valentine’s Day. This series begins today and I hope to give people the gumption to get over the past and embrace the good stuff that awaits you going forward. In order to do that we have to be brutally honest with ourselves.

First thing’s first, we have to embrace that we’re all human.

Since we’re all human we have to be honest that we all at one point or another get got. We all either get deceived by someone. It’s also possible that we put too much faith in the integrity of a person. If a person we are dating behaves in a fashion that is below our expectations we get disappointed. If those behaviors lead to the end of a relationship then you’re upset about that. We have all been naïve at one point or another.

The first step in accepting this is owning what happened.

Taking that emotion you feel and use it as a lesson. There is a great lesson there. Falling in love should be cautious and organic. After the experience of feeling hurt, you need to understand what love demands of you. There is a vulnerability that comes with loving someone. You should know that you can be vulnerable with someone while still straying away from naivety.

The sooner you can accept that everyone has the potential to be naïve and everyone has the potential to hurt someone you will then take a smarter approach to dating. One thing that you shouldn’t do is take an angry approach to dating. That’s only my opinion but I just don’t think it does you any favors. Being naïve while dating just shows the novice in all of us. The best defense against naivety is the learning you gain from it. You can learn from it after the first time. This might be the first lesson most people learn after they go through their first real breakup.

Next week I’ll get into how we can constructively use our time in the wake of heartbreak. What have your experiences been with being naïve? If you’ve ever been down on this holiday, why? Let’s get into it.

Alley Olivier